Week 4 post mastectomy and I was feeling great. I had good movement due to obsessive physiotherapy, I was pretty much doing everything I had before and had just started driving again (with the blessing of Miss Cyclone and the Insurance company). I treated myself to wearing one of my normal bra's and an over-the-head top to show off my skills, and went for breakfast with my friends before my appointment with Miss Cyclone and Dr Mumbles. I felt on top of the world - I knew today would be the time for oncology refferal and the next step on the journey, I was also ready to get back to my running and a bit of strength training so planned to discuss this at length with Miss Cyclone, along with perhaps making Party Boob a bit more perky to match Barbie boob.
When I entered the consultation room, both Dr's were accompanied by another Breast Care Specialist Nurse; Nurse Strict. After the niceties, I firstly asked about Party Boob - off to the examination room to whip my top off again!! As I sat in the theatre gown, Nurse strict came in and looked at my neat pile of clothes on the chair - "Is that your bra? have you been wearing that?", I looked around and couldn't see anybody else topless in the room to blame so owned up to the fact that I had indeed been wearing THAT bra. "You cannot wear bras like that! hasn't anybody told you that!" .... erm, No! I was told to be careful my underwear doesn't irritate my scar. "you must never wear a bra with an underwire! - you have NO breast tissue! you have skin and implant, that is all! if that underwire pierces your skin it will penetrate the implant!" - alright Love! calm yourself!! ............ but..... Oh! I hadn't actually thought about it like that. Although on one hand I felt like I'd been told off by the headmistress and quite foolish, on the other hand I realised that I had been a little bit in denial about how huge the surgery was.
The doctors came in and checked Barbie Boob, she was healing fantastically and they were very happy. then they took hold of Party Boob, lifted, pinched, moved about (because she can!) and discussed among themselves what the best course of action would be. I stood there wondering if I should leave them to it and go and have a coffee! but unfortunately I had to stay due to the fact that my boobs are actually still attached to me! Eventually they remembered I was still in the room and Miss Cyclone spoke - to me! It was explained that they can lift Party Boob, but as there is not much consistency (rude!) they will have to remove the fat from my abdomen (baby pocket) and transplant that into the breast - breast lift and liposuction ....... pert bossoms and a flat tummy!! I haven't had that for 23 years!! WINNER!!! - but I have to get through all the treatment first.
Miss Cyclone then went on to tell my they were certain they had removed all of the cancerous tissue, and only one lymph node had been affected. I wouldn't need radiotherapy and she doubted I would have Chemotherapy - now, this may seem strange because most people would be jumping for joy, but my medical mind kicked in ........ what if, there is just one cancer cell left inside me? and that is dividing? and spreading? and no-one is doing anything about it? .... Miss Cyclone then explained that it is the oncologists job to make that decision and I need to discuss this with him - "discuss? there will be strong argument made" were my thoughts! (I'd already had my hair cut in preparation of losing it - I had a wedding - I need a wig! .... rational thinking, I know!!).
Next, came the great idea of going for a run, as I'd healed fantastically and was feeling great, and was getting irritable at doing nothing. As the words left my mouth I immediately saw the horrified look on Miss Cyclones' face ... "NO!" she snapped "you cannot run, you cannot jiggle, that fresh scar will open and the implant will fall out!" flabbergasted, she turned to Nurse Strict and said "tell her", and left the room. (I don't jiggle! I wear a sports bra - just saying!).
Nurse Strict looked pityingly at me and said,"I don't really know what to advise .... do your physiotherapy" - I do that 3 times a day! "or maybe a gentle ride on a bike? not an outdoor one because of the bumps, just a stationary exercise bike ... oh, and you do know you can't be lifting any weight with that arm don't you?". Now, anyone who is used to hard vigorous exercise and running outside, feeling the fresh air, and the endorphine rush, and the satisfaction of sweat running down your back will understand this - you can shove your gentle exercise bike ride where the sun no longer shines!!!
I put on my banned bra and top, and left with a medical illustration form for another glamour shoot. I had a lump in my throat and felt for the first time the hard realisation that my life was really changing and everything was out of my control. I realised that with all my calmness, knowledge and research my brain had indeed acknowledged exactly what was going on, without actually taking in the full impact. I only had a little bit of breast cancer! its not like its proper cancer ......... is it???
I went home and threw away all my bras, and for the second time had a little cry. (the first time hasn't yet been mentioned).
For now, my journey with Miss Cyclone and Mr Mumbles was complete. I would see them again in 6 months time, and then discuss further surgery. I would also have yearly mammograms for the next 5 years. The next stop was to meet my Oncologist the following week.
www.breastcancercare.org.uk
www.macmillan.org.uk
www.cancerresearchuk.org
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