5) Banishing The Evil Twin

                                               
                                                 
***Warning - this page contains images that some people may not want to see. They're not gruesome, but maybe not everyone's cup of tea! I feel they are important to include them as they are important to the story and to answer any possible questions.***

Mastectomy day - I can't tell you too much about the surgery as thankfully I was asleep! I had a 'skin sparing, nipple sparing mastectomy with lymph node clearance and reconstruction with implant and Braxon Mesh' - just a short title! I think the surgery took around 4 hours, and afterwards I pretty much slept, so I'll skip to the following day.

The first thing I did was look down my top - it was AMAZING!! where my 44 yr old, slightly drooped, 34B, cancer infused Evil Twin used to be was now a pert, round, rock with a nipple! I was beyond impressed, I was ecstatic - the Evil Twin had been replaced by 'The Barbie Boob'. I couldn't see the scar as I had dressings covering the incision wound, and I had the 2 drains which I had been warned about. I felt OK, until I reached out with my right arm to pick up my glass of water ...... bloody hell! a spear of fire shot me through my chest! It took a few attempts to get it, I realised that I had to kind of move my whole body and not twist. Luckily the nurse came round and offered me some paracetamol which I eagerly accepted - and paracetamol was enough, it is a little miracle drug. soon after this I was helped out of bed and walked with my drip stand (just having some fluids, nothing scary) and drains to the toilet. By 10am I was out of bed, washed and into pyjamas, sitting in the chair and ready to gently face the world. 

Around this time I received 2 surprise, out of hours, rule breaking visitors - 2 of my closest friends. Because it was out of hours, I took a little walk and sat in the corridor with them. So there we were, the 3 amigos, sitting in a draughty corridor - all looking down my top admiring the Barbie boob (did anyone walk past? I cant remember, but you can imagine the image they faced!!). Incidentally the Party Boob was looking very sorry for itself, left out and seeking the attention that Barbie was getting. 

At my own request, because I felt well and had a great support network at home, and know how to deal with drains and dressings, I went home early that afternoon. I had been fitted with a special bra by one of the breast care specialist nurses, the bra had velcro pockets to stash my drains - but made me look 9 months pregnant (I swapped these pockets for a shoulder bag when I got home as I found that easier to carry around - I suppose I could use the pockets for carrying my water bottles, pain relief, or shoplifting.....)

For the first couple of days I took regular paracetamol and Ibuprofen, that was all I needed. mobility improved and I set alarms on my phone to remind me to do the regular physiotherapy that was advised to improve arm and shoulder movement. It was funny to think that a couple of days before I was lifting weights in the gym, now I had to work up to putting my hand behind my head. Thank goodness I'd only had one side done, I'm not sure how women cope when they've had a double mastectomy. But the pain was manageable, and movement soon improved. 

There are several things that are difficult after a mastecotomy that you don't realise - so I shall add an additional page for these, but one of them was showering and washing my hair! I was not allowed to shower due to the dressings and drains, so my beloved fiance ran a shallow bath, wrapped me up in clingfilm, helped me into the bath so I could sit in the shallow warm water, and washed my hair with the shower - the kindest, yet funniest thing he had done up to this point. 

 

The first drain- the axilla (armpit) came out after 1 week, the drain from the breast came out after 2 weeks. I got used to carrying them around, it wasn't as bad as I first thought it would be - however, I scared the living daylights out of the woman from across the street when she popped over to collect a parcel! I had been woken from a nap and answered the door forgetting about the drain tubes hanging out of my shirt filled with what would have looked like blood and into a bag, a bit like a Dr Who character - she looked at them, went white and hurried off! a couple of days later I took in another parcel for her ..... she didn't come to collect it! I had to take it to her and she opened the window instead of the door!!!!!


Two weeks later, Dr Mumbles took off the dressings - the scar (considering that I had seen a lot of images of varying degrees) was amazing! the armpit was a bit lumpy but who needs pretty armpits!  Then Miss Cyclone came in to check her handy work and asked if another patient who was facing the same operation but was terrified could come and have a look, to which I readily agreed - I'm more than happy to help anybody in this battle. A sobbing woman came in, and I just hugged her, I wanted to cry myself she was in so much emotional pain. she looked at Barbie Boob, the scar and felt it - it had started to soften by then, it was no longer a rock. She felt better, reassured - and I knew then, that I needed to use my experience to help others going through the same - which is why I decided to include my pictures. 

This picture was taken today - 8 weeks post surgery, the Barbie boob has now returned to the correct size as all the swelling has gone down and is very soft. I can feel the edges of the implant but it's not sore. I can lie on my left side comfortably, the right side for short periods. The scar will fade to a whiter colour, and the armpit is no longer lumpy (forgive the stubble, shaving is still a trick I'm mastering - the armpit is completely numb so I never know if I'm just shaving air!). Not bad for a Princess Warrior wound if I do say so myself - I covered the nipple to stop it looking like porn! :)

www.breastcancercare.org.uk

 www.macmillan.org.uk

 www.cancerresearchuk.org

4) There's a Cyclone Coming!

And so, there was another week to wait for the full diagnosis, dates for further tests and a plan. This was the longest week as I had exhausted all of my information gathering, and had the task of telling people. At the same time as all this was going on, my Mother-in-law was an in-patient battling Ovarian Cancer and not in a good place, so Nic and I decided not to tell her anything until it was absolutely necessary. We also decided not to tell our 7yr old for a variety of reasons - I will discuss this on another page, as children are just incredible creatures that we underestimate constantly! But there were our other children to consider (ages range from 22 -17), my Mum and my close friends and colleagues. I knew that people would be supportive and kind, but nothing in the world could have prepared me for what happened!! The Army Assembled!!! As word leaked out I received message after message, cards, letters, calls you name it! I was overwhelmed. You go through life making little impressions on peoples lives, but you don't realise what a massive part of life you are to them until the proverbial hits the fan. My faith in human nature has been filled to the brim. One thing I am certain of, no-one needs to face cancer alone, just speak and you will be heard, by many. 

By the end of the week I had come out of 'manic mode' and entered  'calm as long as I get my own way mode'.

The next appointment came around and Dr Mumbles joined Nic and I in the consultation room, he mumbled that my cancer was ER positive (meaning it was being fed by oestrogen), then he looked at my file, mumbled something else and left - we were very confused!! the next thing we knew Nurse Lovely came in followed by Dr Mumbles and the Consultant - like a whirlwind! - now I can only assume that she already knew that I was annoying and wanted to be  'actively involved in my care plan'  and that I didn't want surgery in May due to the wedding, but she was amazing! she was just what I needed - Lovely, smiley, kind, and straight to the point. Miss Cyclone examined me at super-speed, and then said "right, I've seen the scans, I want to do the surgery before chemotherapy and as you are small breasted (excuse me! more than a handful is a waste, thank you!!)  and don't have too much body fat (winner!), I propose we perform a new technique - you have to have a full mastectomy on the right breast, so I'm going to perform a skin sparing, nipple sparing mastectomy and reconstruction, with lymph node clearance. Get dressed and come through and we'll pick a date" and that was that! 

When I went into the next room, Miss Cyclone showed me the silicone implant and Braxon mesh that was going to be used to reconstruct my breast, and explained very clearly what the surgery would entail. I am fully aware from my research that reconstruction is not cosmetic surgery, it is 'doing the best with what you've got left', but Miss Cyclone filled me with confidence. She explained that there is a risk of rejection, that the nipple is not  guaranteed but she would try, and that I would have 2 drains in situ following the operation. Then she gave me a date - the next week!! I needed to have medical illustration photographs, a bone scan and a CT scan, another appointment with Miss Cyclone to discuss the MDT meeting (the knights around the round table), a pre-op assessment and of course I needed to get waxed before then! This was going to be one busy week! 

I had the photographs taken the same day, now let me tell you Katie Price does not need to worry that I might take her place in any glamour shots! By this point I've had my boobs out all over the hospital, but the photographers studio was the worst place ever! firstly - I had to request an alternative photographer, as the one on duty was someone I work a lot with, and he is not getting a peek and the goods! secondly - the replacement was a young fitty - why couldn't they send in a random overweight middle aged someone? thirdly - no gown or sheet to cover my modesty as I took the 10 steps from door to marked point, I felt so exposed and vulnerable in my leggings and boots, and finally - I didn't know weather to smile, pout or cry! maybe I should have had some props? a riding crop, hat, chair? The nervous sweating was also a very attractive addition to the party! - like I said, glamour modelling is not my forte! Thankfully although it felt like it took ages, it took minutes and young fitty was very respectful and kind. 

The Bone scan was first - this was a tough one, because I was injected with a radioactive dye and couldn't hug or sit next to my little one until the following day. Explaining that to a 7 year old was awful. but the next morning we had extra cuddles before school to make up for it. The scan itself wasn't too bad, not that claustrophobic and didn't take too long. 

The next appointment with Miss Cyclone was a quick one - as yet again she was a whirlwind, she confirmed that all of the knights were happy with her plan and took consent for the procedure. 

I saw my beauty therapist friend and had my legs and bikini line waxed while she cried because I had breast cancer!! I did have to tell her to get a grip before she started stripping my legs of all the flesh!! (I'm sure she was upset because of what I would be going through, not because of the loss of future business - waxing is not recommended while having chemo).

The pre-op and CT scan were on the day before the op - The CT scan was fine, not too claustrophobic as I expected,  but the barium drink you have to guzzle beforehand is a real 'treat'! 

Miss Cyclone came to tell me just before the op that the CT scan was clear - my cancer had not spread - winner again!!

 www.breastcancercare.org.uk

 www.macmillan.org.uk

 www.cancerresearchuk.org